There once was a boy, a cute little drummer boy, who was plagued by his charm. But he was a good hearted boy and true to his girl. But there were other girls, waiting. Ok, Im dying trying to make that into some sweet little fairy tale. Ready for the real deal......Theres this guy (I do my best to not name names just in case) who I know and originally had a crush on. And I may still crush on him, but know that he has a girlfriend and I value the friendship more than some ass. So this guy is honestly a great guy! He is a drummer and has girl throw themselves at him at times and I have to say some are, you know, not to bad. And he has a long distance thing going on with his girl. Well everyone needs friends and him and I have become pretty darn close. I really hate weeks that go by that I dont get to hang out with him cause he cracks me up. Well we have another friend thats always there to and we have become the great three.....ha. And its a great relationship! We can accept each other for exactly how things are. But there is one girl to be specific that just does not care, and I have somehow gotten in the middle of things. Being close to the band I know alot of the people that are regulars that see them. This one girl gravitated to me and of course I was nice. Shes a great girl, but drunk one night she was talking to me and I mentioned that I had crushed on the drummer but not anymore. This open the gates of hell for me. You have to remember that if he didnt have a girlfriend I would most likely hit on him.
Well, I really dont think she cares all that much that he has a girlfriend and wants him. But really she shouldnt since she is in, what I would consider, a serious relationship. And since she knows that I wanted him at one time, she thinks its ok to tell me how she wants him. I am his friend and a much closer friend with him than her. OMGoodness.......She gets upset, like a girlfriend, when hes talking to other girls. Always trying to find out from me what hes been up to. Im not going to say anything, its not my place to. I have been put into a position by this girl, on more than one occassion, to where I felt like a piece of crap because I dare hang out with him. What the hell kind of shit is that. And there have been acouple of times where she full out said they did things that they didnt do! And reason I had to rant about this tonight is because she pulled her shit again. Caught me on another website and was telling me how she had a talk with him about his girlfriend. What the hell am I suppose to say to that? So I just have to say "yeah" and thank god she stopped and said the story was too long. But strangest thing was it was like I could see the look on her face like, maybe I should keep my mouth shut. LOL Ok I think Im feeling better about the subject for the moment!!
Monday, June 22, 2009
Curious....when am I not, actually
I am always curious about the way people come up with the thoughts and actions they do. I really should go back to school for this crap, but anyways.....I have a friend who is going through a tough time with his girlfriend. The relationship really needs to come to an end for his sanitys sake. But it makes me think about dating in general. I am a single girl right now and have been for awhile and realize the crap you come across and the lines you are fed. I have to go off what I see of guys, since I have not been looking for a woman. So I see alot of guys say that they want that good girl, yet knows how to have fun. Or guys want that girl that will treat them like a king, but when they come across one its like its too good to be true so they dont accept it. And your left behind even though you offer them everything they are looking for. I am not an ugly girl, Im also not a super model. But Im not here to specificly discuss my views on idiotic dating problems...so why? Honestly, why ask for something when really your hoping for the slut who will be that way. I am not saying that there arent those kind of girls out there, but really you just need to settle for 2nd best. Horrible I know! So the reason I started this is....every girl just wants a good looking guy who will treat her like a queen. So my guy friend really is one of these guys, and this girl is telling him how she is CRAZY about him but doesnt know if she can be in a serious relationship ever again. And Im sorry but when your creeping really close to 40 you would think you would be thankful to find this. I just dont understand!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
So Sad.....
Last year I got to microdermal piercings on my wrist. I am so sad to say I had to have one removed today cause it decided to migrate its way out. :( Now I think I need to remove the other one so I dont look silly. I think I may put them on my other writst. Either way Im really sad it had to be removed.....
Monday, June 15, 2009
Responsibilities
I really want to bitch about how other people dont take care of their responsibilities and how that effects me, but I must mention that Im not perfect. I have been layed off for a bit now and have not found a job. I also do not want to work at some fast food joint or at WalMart, so I hope you can understand my searching still. Side story for a moment.......I am very bullheaded when it comes to things. I like to do things myself and not rely on others, which has gotten me into the situation I am in now. Ok so, I just wish when I finally have to ask for help that I would get alittle. And all Im asking for is my kids father to pay his child support. I never say anything, even when he gets months behind. But after losing my job I went to him and told him how I really needed him to pay cause I just couldnt cover it all by myself right now. Also on top of the losing job I had lost my roommate. So here I am crying asking for help and I he says he will. Like another month later and still no help I ask again and he says that they took some of his taxes and I would be getting that. Granted this still does not catch up the 5 months he is behind. Well now child support has the money but is holding on to it for another month, look they dont even trust the IRS.
When I first lost my job I wanted to stay on unemployment to spend some time with my kids and to take my previous employer for everything I could. And truely I wish I could stay on it through the summer so I could hang with my kiddos, but know I cant. So knowing that I must get a job this week, I was all pumped to make today be that day. Not so much. Yesterday the day they should have gone to their dads for a week, he tells me hes still on his way back from New York getting his sister. He cant get them till tonight at the earliest. So there went that idea. He doesnt even care that I have things I needed to be doing today. Oh well I guess I will take advantage of this as one of those summer days I get to spend with the kids. I really hope people will stop being stupid, ha, just for the day and maybe I will have something better to say later................
When I first lost my job I wanted to stay on unemployment to spend some time with my kids and to take my previous employer for everything I could. And truely I wish I could stay on it through the summer so I could hang with my kiddos, but know I cant. So knowing that I must get a job this week, I was all pumped to make today be that day. Not so much. Yesterday the day they should have gone to their dads for a week, he tells me hes still on his way back from New York getting his sister. He cant get them till tonight at the earliest. So there went that idea. He doesnt even care that I have things I needed to be doing today. Oh well I guess I will take advantage of this as one of those summer days I get to spend with the kids. I really hope people will stop being stupid, ha, just for the day and maybe I will have something better to say later................
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Ads???
So after my last post I was on here lookin around. Beings that I only started on here yesterday. Anyways, so I signed up for the thingy that puts adds on the side in your blog. Figured its not like its gonna hurt anything. But it says that the ads it displays will be based on whay your blog is about. I see that as a interesting thing since, as I pre-warned in my first posting, my thoughts are all over the place. And keep in mind that I have a tendency to have my mind in the gutter, so what the heck are they gonna put up. My luck it will be dating websites since Im single and talk about boys alot. It would be cooler if they had up ones about rock and tattoos...cool stuff like that. Thats the kind of stuff Im into. So I wonder if I should just bullshit about that kinda stuff for a few days so I dont get some ridiculous ad. Hmmmm thought provoking
Power Animals
I have this one friend that will most likely come up alot during my thoughts. I have so much fun with them that I honestly dont know what I would do without them. But anyways, since I started to hang out with him I have done some of the most fun things I have ever done. So this last weekend out of nowhere the question was poised to me about what power animals we were. Odd conversation other than the bar we were at was the Safari....lol So my friend Hilary, we decided, is a golden eagle. And he decided that I was either a jaguar or a panther. So I had to come home and look up meanings to see if he got us on the button. So I figured I would share....
Eagle-
Creation, mental-emotional swiftness, healing, dignity, strength, courage, wisdom, healing and insights, awareness of surrounding, aids in seeing hidden spiritual truths and higher balances, illumination of spirit, stronger and quicker in actions, responsibility, shows how to connect with intuition and higher spiritual truths. Are you willing to soar to new heights at this time? Are you ready to be involved with your creation and manifestations? Eagle teaches that you can achieve balance and intuit the winds of change while remaining connected and grounded.
(And I could see some of these traits in my friend)
Jaguar-
Jaguar enhances spiritual and psychic vision with a keen sense of awareness, pinpointing strong intuitional abilities. Jaguar shows how to embrace the gifts of the Spirit with composure, tenacity, fortitude with a complete integration of lessons learned and applying them in daily life. Are you integrating ideas and thoughts like you should? Jaguar will aid in this transitions of self-actualization. He shows how to move silently, stealthily knowing when and how to react, shows empowerment, teaches how to maneuver and understand things hurtful lessons of the past can be transformed into a higher clarity of wisdom will show clarity in the chaos in the soul process of integration and shifting perspectives with balance and grace.
Panther-Symbol for ferocity, valor, time to put to use psychic, mental, physical, spiritual muscles. Strong hearing of other realms, may become sensitive to touch, past suffering will return to transform and so you can confront it, teaches understanding of transformations and agility in reclaiming ones power and prowess. Are you listening carefully of the world within and around you? Panther teaches the nuance of hearing your heart and intuitions
When I looked up my meanings I looked up both jaguar and panther. Reason being is that he had originally called me a jaguar, but since I have black hair I had to be a panther. I feel that there was good reasoning behind him being torn. I really see both of those animals traits in myself. I guess I should probably meditate and truely find my own instead of just going with whatever, but it seems to hit it. I have meditated about animals before, but that was to find your spirit guide and when I did that it was a wolf. But Im sure your spirit guide and power animal are different things. So I figured he needed a power animal too. And I didnt look at any of the meanings until I thought of the animal. I kinda look at him like he could be a buffalo.
Buffalo-Abundance, incorporates our own efforts to embrace and hold life, burdens and rewards are carried, keep self well grounded, follow the easiest path, don’t use force in areas of life, flow with it. Teaches creativity, courage, sacred knowledge, sharing with a sense of community, survival strategies, teaches how to challenge with forthrightness and grace. A time to honor your path and ask for assistance from Spirit. Buffalo teaches abundance and strength of all creatures. Do you have gratitude? Strength? Surviving with courage?
Who knows. I guess this was just the random thought going through my mind at the moment. There may even be another thought before the night is over.......
Eagle-
Creation, mental-emotional swiftness, healing, dignity, strength, courage, wisdom, healing and insights, awareness of surrounding, aids in seeing hidden spiritual truths and higher balances, illumination of spirit, stronger and quicker in actions, responsibility, shows how to connect with intuition and higher spiritual truths. Are you willing to soar to new heights at this time? Are you ready to be involved with your creation and manifestations? Eagle teaches that you can achieve balance and intuit the winds of change while remaining connected and grounded.
(And I could see some of these traits in my friend)
Jaguar-
Jaguar enhances spiritual and psychic vision with a keen sense of awareness, pinpointing strong intuitional abilities. Jaguar shows how to embrace the gifts of the Spirit with composure, tenacity, fortitude with a complete integration of lessons learned and applying them in daily life. Are you integrating ideas and thoughts like you should? Jaguar will aid in this transitions of self-actualization. He shows how to move silently, stealthily knowing when and how to react, shows empowerment, teaches how to maneuver and understand things hurtful lessons of the past can be transformed into a higher clarity of wisdom will show clarity in the chaos in the soul process of integration and shifting perspectives with balance and grace.
Panther-Symbol for ferocity, valor, time to put to use psychic, mental, physical, spiritual muscles. Strong hearing of other realms, may become sensitive to touch, past suffering will return to transform and so you can confront it, teaches understanding of transformations and agility in reclaiming ones power and prowess. Are you listening carefully of the world within and around you? Panther teaches the nuance of hearing your heart and intuitions
When I looked up my meanings I looked up both jaguar and panther. Reason being is that he had originally called me a jaguar, but since I have black hair I had to be a panther. I feel that there was good reasoning behind him being torn. I really see both of those animals traits in myself. I guess I should probably meditate and truely find my own instead of just going with whatever, but it seems to hit it. I have meditated about animals before, but that was to find your spirit guide and when I did that it was a wolf. But Im sure your spirit guide and power animal are different things. So I figured he needed a power animal too. And I didnt look at any of the meanings until I thought of the animal. I kinda look at him like he could be a buffalo.
Buffalo-Abundance, incorporates our own efforts to embrace and hold life, burdens and rewards are carried, keep self well grounded, follow the easiest path, don’t use force in areas of life, flow with it. Teaches creativity, courage, sacred knowledge, sharing with a sense of community, survival strategies, teaches how to challenge with forthrightness and grace. A time to honor your path and ask for assistance from Spirit. Buffalo teaches abundance and strength of all creatures. Do you have gratitude? Strength? Surviving with courage?
Who knows. I guess this was just the random thought going through my mind at the moment. There may even be another thought before the night is over.......
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Examining guys thoughts, or maybe questioning
So I have heard guys say that if they have sex with a woman then she gets emotionally attached and will not allow it to be a casual experience. I really have to say that I think there are definitely times you can apply that saying to the opposite sex. I mean with any saying about a type of person, sex or race, can be applied to the opposite. But the idea that once sex is had it ruins a friendship or they will want a relationship out of it. I guess I have to explain where I’m coming from.
I happen to be out with one of my girlfriends and this random guy comes up to me to talk about my tattoos. Which on a side note, I have noticed guys use that as a pick up line. So he was/is a good looking guy, well to me at least even though my friend though he was creepy. Through the conversation I found out he was in town working for a while. I happened across him that next week and decided to give him my number. So I was kinda excited about the idea of a hot tattooed biker guy calling me, but I have been single for long enough too never expect anything nor hold my breath for a good outcome. Well ended up talking to him and meeting for drinks on a Friday. Well I went for a good time with a friend, not necessarily thinking that good time would go home with me. It did and it was great, but I knew there were other strings he had attached to him that were not quite clipped yet (like a wife that was suppose to be a soon to be ex). So I took it as a good time for all involved and that I still had a friend.
So a few days later I try to call to see if he wanted to go out sometime and no answer. I didn’t give it a second thought because I am not one of those girls who fall into that stereotype of sex equaling emotions. So last night, which would be the following Friday, I tried to call again just to say that my friends and I were going to be at a bar that he goes to a lot. Figuring I would be friendly and see if he wanted to join us. Well no answer and I start to think that he is thinking that I’m some “typical” woman and now all I want is him. I’m sorry but no man I have ever met is that good. HA So I go with my friends and what does the dog drag in, him. Oh did I mention that he was with his wife, or soon to be ex. Wow did I feel weird. So he was telling me to keep everything quiet. Of course I did cause he is my friend and I will be damned if I cause drama.
Well the reason we were at the bar was to sing karaoke and we had a huge group of friends there. So all the girls in the group are up singing a song and the wifey decides to just join our group. And to top it off she comes over to my mic and throws her arms around me and sings with me. Damn she was drunk! And not the best singer, but I was nice and smiled and sang with her. Some of the girls in the group were not happy that she barged her way up there. I just ignored it. Well I guess she ended up all sick outside throwing up, so I went over to talk to him for a minute. I said it was nice to meet her but that I thought they were getting a divorce. He said they were and I have to take him for his word. I don’t get guys sometimes. I know I’m stupid for just taking his word, but I’m not looking for a relationship with him just a friendship. If we happened to have a better time than normal once in awhile that would be ok until I get a boyfriend. HA
That was so wrong of me to say, but I guess it would be the truth. I also would like to address the concept of “fuckable but not dateable”. What the hell is that?!?!?!?!?!? There was a guy friend of mine lately that told me that the reason he hadn’t returned my phone calls was because he had gotten a girlfriend. My response was simply, why the hell not I don’t feel that that should make a difference in our friendship. He agreed and apologized. So I tell a friend and she says “Well you know what he’s saying don’t you? He’s saying that you’re fuckable but not girlfriend material.” And I understand that this wasn’t her point of view, but damn it has stuck with me. So how can you say a girl is fuckable, you cant resist her, but that you couldn’t have her as a girlfriend. Ok so there are certain times that I understand that concept and I am not including drunken moments. But, and I am well aware of the fact most of you don’t know me and have to take my word for it, I’m not one of those girls. I am a very caring and loyal person/friend. I wonder if it is my appearance. I have long black hair, big boobs, tattoos and like to dress in things the fit instead of baggy. I mean I’m not the skinniest thing so emphasizing the breast is a good thing. HA
If you look at the guys that are in my life on a regular basis now….well there’s not much there. There is a great friend who I couldn’t live without, but don’t see anything more there since he does have a person. A good-looking bad boy, who I think I should just avoid but not sure I want to. Another cutie boy, who toys with my emotions and doesn’t want a girlfriend right now due to health issues. A lot of other random guys that are great friends but most are in relationships. Damn the luck! The concepts boys think up are ridiculous sometimes and make the world of dating even harder. I understand and can agree with a guy when they say women are bitches, even though I am a woman, because we truly can be. But fellas, seriously, you are more confusing than women. It makes it so hard to be a great fun outgoing and sometimes crazy in a good way, yet caring and loving woman. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I happen to be out with one of my girlfriends and this random guy comes up to me to talk about my tattoos. Which on a side note, I have noticed guys use that as a pick up line. So he was/is a good looking guy, well to me at least even though my friend though he was creepy. Through the conversation I found out he was in town working for a while. I happened across him that next week and decided to give him my number. So I was kinda excited about the idea of a hot tattooed biker guy calling me, but I have been single for long enough too never expect anything nor hold my breath for a good outcome. Well ended up talking to him and meeting for drinks on a Friday. Well I went for a good time with a friend, not necessarily thinking that good time would go home with me. It did and it was great, but I knew there were other strings he had attached to him that were not quite clipped yet (like a wife that was suppose to be a soon to be ex). So I took it as a good time for all involved and that I still had a friend.
So a few days later I try to call to see if he wanted to go out sometime and no answer. I didn’t give it a second thought because I am not one of those girls who fall into that stereotype of sex equaling emotions. So last night, which would be the following Friday, I tried to call again just to say that my friends and I were going to be at a bar that he goes to a lot. Figuring I would be friendly and see if he wanted to join us. Well no answer and I start to think that he is thinking that I’m some “typical” woman and now all I want is him. I’m sorry but no man I have ever met is that good. HA So I go with my friends and what does the dog drag in, him. Oh did I mention that he was with his wife, or soon to be ex. Wow did I feel weird. So he was telling me to keep everything quiet. Of course I did cause he is my friend and I will be damned if I cause drama.
Well the reason we were at the bar was to sing karaoke and we had a huge group of friends there. So all the girls in the group are up singing a song and the wifey decides to just join our group. And to top it off she comes over to my mic and throws her arms around me and sings with me. Damn she was drunk! And not the best singer, but I was nice and smiled and sang with her. Some of the girls in the group were not happy that she barged her way up there. I just ignored it. Well I guess she ended up all sick outside throwing up, so I went over to talk to him for a minute. I said it was nice to meet her but that I thought they were getting a divorce. He said they were and I have to take him for his word. I don’t get guys sometimes. I know I’m stupid for just taking his word, but I’m not looking for a relationship with him just a friendship. If we happened to have a better time than normal once in awhile that would be ok until I get a boyfriend. HA
That was so wrong of me to say, but I guess it would be the truth. I also would like to address the concept of “fuckable but not dateable”. What the hell is that?!?!?!?!?!? There was a guy friend of mine lately that told me that the reason he hadn’t returned my phone calls was because he had gotten a girlfriend. My response was simply, why the hell not I don’t feel that that should make a difference in our friendship. He agreed and apologized. So I tell a friend and she says “Well you know what he’s saying don’t you? He’s saying that you’re fuckable but not girlfriend material.” And I understand that this wasn’t her point of view, but damn it has stuck with me. So how can you say a girl is fuckable, you cant resist her, but that you couldn’t have her as a girlfriend. Ok so there are certain times that I understand that concept and I am not including drunken moments. But, and I am well aware of the fact most of you don’t know me and have to take my word for it, I’m not one of those girls. I am a very caring and loyal person/friend. I wonder if it is my appearance. I have long black hair, big boobs, tattoos and like to dress in things the fit instead of baggy. I mean I’m not the skinniest thing so emphasizing the breast is a good thing. HA
If you look at the guys that are in my life on a regular basis now….well there’s not much there. There is a great friend who I couldn’t live without, but don’t see anything more there since he does have a person. A good-looking bad boy, who I think I should just avoid but not sure I want to. Another cutie boy, who toys with my emotions and doesn’t want a girlfriend right now due to health issues. A lot of other random guys that are great friends but most are in relationships. Damn the luck! The concepts boys think up are ridiculous sometimes and make the world of dating even harder. I understand and can agree with a guy when they say women are bitches, even though I am a woman, because we truly can be. But fellas, seriously, you are more confusing than women. It makes it so hard to be a great fun outgoing and sometimes crazy in a good way, yet caring and loving woman. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
FYI
I honestly dont know why Im doing this other than its so much easier to get crud off your chest if you have an outlet. So with that being said let me warn you about my thought process...it can wander. Not in a sense that I would totally lose someone, but there are quite a few side stories along the way. It will seem like, at times, that what I write I have to be making up. Believe me sometimes I wish. I feel like I live in a soap opera all the time! So there it is for you if you choose to continue please be prepared for an interesting ride. I know I have my seatbelt on....lol
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