Planned

So I had planned on being on here more often. And normally want to be, just hadnt lately. I was trying to figure out what direction this blog was going in. I have decided it is a relationship blog. Not that I have one...lol but that I am involved in so many and so many different aspects of the concept. Love, lust, and all other forms....psh I am not being a bitter betty because I myself am not in a relationship but I am just being an honest person. I think people think that since Im a girl I should view love and relationships differently than I do. Sorry for your luck, kids. I guess I just see things for how they are, yet feel I cant see them that way for myself. Or I feel that way. Maybe I do, but dont like how it is...lol
Ok, so I will need to start somewhere and will tomorrow. Tonight I happen to be alittle irratated at a boy and a girl. I shouldnt be, but find that I cant help myself. The boy is great whether I get to be with him or not, but the girl is fake! Everything she likes is because he likes it. With no way of morally being able to be with him since she is married to someone else. Whatever, I will go more into detail tomorrow. But this is it...love, lust and relationships. However you want to look at it Im going to be talking about girls and guys. If you want to add your two cents or question anything I say...please feel free to. I would appreciate any comments....

Are you insane?!?!?!?!!?

There once was a boy, a cute little drummer boy, who was plagued by his charm. But he was a good hearted boy and true to his girl. But there were other girls, waiting. Ok, Im dying trying to make that into some sweet little fairy tale. Ready for the real deal......Theres this guy (I do my best to not name names just in case) who I know and originally had a crush on. And I may still crush on him, but know that he has a girlfriend and I value the friendship more than some ass. So this guy is honestly a great guy! He is a drummer and has girl throw themselves at him at times and I have to say some are, you know, not to bad. And he has a long distance thing going on with his girl. Well everyone needs friends and him and I have become pretty darn close. I really hate weeks that go by that I dont get to hang out with him cause he cracks me up. Well we have another friend thats always there to and we have become the great three.....ha. And its a great relationship! We can accept each other for exactly how things are. But there is one girl to be specific that just does not care, and I have somehow gotten in the middle of things. Being close to the band I know alot of the people that are regulars that see them. This one girl gravitated to me and of course I was nice. Shes a great girl, but drunk one night she was talking to me and I mentioned that I had crushed on the drummer but not anymore. This open the gates of hell for me. You have to remember that if he didnt have a girlfriend I would most likely hit on him.
Well, I really dont think she cares all that much that he has a girlfriend and wants him. But really she shouldnt since she is in, what I would consider, a serious relationship. And since she knows that I wanted him at one time, she thinks its ok to tell me how she wants him. I am his friend and a much closer friend with him than her. OMGoodness.......She gets upset, like a girlfriend, when hes talking to other girls. Always trying to find out from me what hes been up to. Im not going to say anything, its not my place to. I have been put into a position by this girl, on more than one occassion, to where I felt like a piece of crap because I dare hang out with him. What the hell kind of shit is that. And there have been acouple of times where she full out said they did things that they didnt do! And reason I had to rant about this tonight is because she pulled her shit again. Caught me on another website and was telling me how she had a talk with him about his girlfriend. What the hell am I suppose to say to that? So I just have to say "yeah" and thank god she stopped and said the story was too long. But strangest thing was it was like I could see the look on her face like, maybe I should keep my mouth shut. LOL Ok I think Im feeling better about the subject for the moment!!

Curious....when am I not, actually

I am always curious about the way people come up with the thoughts and actions they do. I really should go back to school for this crap, but anyways.....I have a friend who is going through a tough time with his girlfriend. The relationship really needs to come to an end for his sanitys sake. But it makes me think about dating in general. I am a single girl right now and have been for awhile and realize the crap you come across and the lines you are fed. I have to go off what I see of guys, since I have not been looking for a woman. So I see alot of guys say that they want that good girl, yet knows how to have fun. Or guys want that girl that will treat them like a king, but when they come across one its like its too good to be true so they dont accept it. And your left behind even though you offer them everything they are looking for. I am not an ugly girl, Im also not a super model. But Im not here to specificly discuss my views on idiotic dating problems...so why? Honestly, why ask for something when really your hoping for the slut who will be that way. I am not saying that there arent those kind of girls out there, but really you just need to settle for 2nd best. Horrible I know! So the reason I started this is....every girl just wants a good looking guy who will treat her like a queen. So my guy friend really is one of these guys, and this girl is telling him how she is CRAZY about him but doesnt know if she can be in a serious relationship ever again. And Im sorry but when your creeping really close to 40 you would think you would be thankful to find this. I just dont understand!!!!!!!!

So Sad.....

Last year I got to microdermal piercings on my wrist. I am so sad to say I had to have one removed today cause it decided to migrate its way out. :( Now I think I need to remove the other one so I dont look silly. I think I may put them on my other writst. Either way Im really sad it had to be removed.....

Responsibilities

I really want to bitch about how other people dont take care of their responsibilities and how that effects me, but I must mention that Im not perfect. I have been layed off for a bit now and have not found a job. I also do not want to work at some fast food joint or at WalMart, so I hope you can understand my searching still. Side story for a moment.......I am very bullheaded when it comes to things. I like to do things myself and not rely on others, which has gotten me into the situation I am in now. Ok so, I just wish when I finally have to ask for help that I would get alittle. And all Im asking for is my kids father to pay his child support. I never say anything, even when he gets months behind. But after losing my job I went to him and told him how I really needed him to pay cause I just couldnt cover it all by myself right now. Also on top of the losing job I had lost my roommate. So here I am crying asking for help and I he says he will. Like another month later and still no help I ask again and he says that they took some of his taxes and I would be getting that. Granted this still does not catch up the 5 months he is behind. Well now child support has the money but is holding on to it for another month, look they dont even trust the IRS.
When I first lost my job I wanted to stay on unemployment to spend some time with my kids and to take my previous employer for everything I could. And truely I wish I could stay on it through the summer so I could hang with my kiddos, but know I cant. So knowing that I must get a job this week, I was all pumped to make today be that day. Not so much. Yesterday the day they should have gone to their dads for a week, he tells me hes still on his way back from New York getting his sister. He cant get them till tonight at the earliest. So there went that idea. He doesnt even care that I have things I needed to be doing today. Oh well I guess I will take advantage of this as one of those summer days I get to spend with the kids. I really hope people will stop being stupid, ha, just for the day and maybe I will have something better to say later................

Ads???

So after my last post I was on here lookin around. Beings that I only started on here yesterday. Anyways, so I signed up for the thingy that puts adds on the side in your blog. Figured its not like its gonna hurt anything. But it says that the ads it displays will be based on whay your blog is about. I see that as a interesting thing since, as I pre-warned in my first posting, my thoughts are all over the place. And keep in mind that I have a tendency to have my mind in the gutter, so what the heck are they gonna put up. My luck it will be dating websites since Im single and talk about boys alot. It would be cooler if they had up ones about rock and tattoos...cool stuff like that. Thats the kind of stuff Im into. So I wonder if I should just bullshit about that kinda stuff for a few days so I dont get some ridiculous ad. Hmmmm thought provoking

Power Animals

I have this one friend that will most likely come up alot during my thoughts. I have so much fun with them that I honestly dont know what I would do without them. But anyways, since I started to hang out with him I have done some of the most fun things I have ever done. So this last weekend out of nowhere the question was poised to me about what power animals we were. Odd conversation other than the bar we were at was the Safari....lol So my friend Hilary, we decided, is a golden eagle. And he decided that I was either a jaguar or a panther. So I had to come home and look up meanings to see if he got us on the button. So I figured I would share....

Eagle-
Creation, mental-emotional swiftness, healing, dignity, strength, courage, wisdom, healing and insights, awareness of surrounding, aids in seeing hidden spiritual truths and higher balances, illumination of spirit, stronger and quicker in actions, responsibility, shows how to connect with intuition and higher spiritual truths. Are you willing to soar to new heights at this time? Are you ready to be involved with your creation and manifestations? Eagle teaches that you can achieve balance and intuit the winds of change while remaining connected and grounded.
(And I could see some of these traits in my friend)

Jaguar-
Jaguar enhances spiritual and psychic vision with a keen sense of awareness, pinpointing strong intuitional abilities. Jaguar shows how to embrace the gifts of the Spirit with composure, tenacity, fortitude with a complete integration of lessons learned and applying them in daily life. Are you integrating ideas and thoughts like you should? Jaguar will aid in this transitions of self-actualization. He shows how to move silently, stealthily knowing when and how to react, shows empowerment, teaches how to maneuver and understand things hurtful lessons of the past can be transformed into a higher clarity of wisdom will show clarity in the chaos in the soul process of integration and shifting perspectives with balance and grace.

Panther-Symbol for ferocity, valor, time to put to use psychic, mental, physical, spiritual muscles. Strong hearing of other realms, may become sensitive to touch, past suffering will return to transform and so you can confront it, teaches understanding of transformations and agility in reclaiming ones power and prowess. Are you listening carefully of the world within and around you? Panther teaches the nuance of hearing your heart and intuitions

When I looked up my meanings I looked up both jaguar and panther. Reason being is that he had originally called me a jaguar, but since I have black hair I had to be a panther. I feel that there was good reasoning behind him being torn. I really see both of those animals traits in myself. I guess I should probably meditate and truely find my own instead of just going with whatever, but it seems to hit it. I have meditated about animals before, but that was to find your spirit guide and when I did that it was a wolf. But Im sure your spirit guide and power animal are different things. So I figured he needed a power animal too. And I didnt look at any of the meanings until I thought of the animal. I kinda look at him like he could be a buffalo.

Buffalo-Abundance, incorporates our own efforts to embrace and hold life, burdens and rewards are carried, keep self well grounded, follow the easiest path, don’t use force in areas of life, flow with it. Teaches creativity, courage, sacred knowledge, sharing with a sense of community, survival strategies, teaches how to challenge with forthrightness and grace. A time to honor your path and ask for assistance from Spirit. Buffalo teaches abundance and strength of all creatures. Do you have gratitude? Strength? Surviving with courage?

Who knows. I guess this was just the random thought going through my mind at the moment. There may even be another thought before the night is over.......